iHate Pretending
by Child With Curls
Summary: Freddie is engaged to Carly but he can't stop himself from always coming back to Sam. He knows what they're doing wrong but he hates pretending what he does and feel isn't real. Freddie's reflection on his and Sam's relationship. Takes place in the future


_I don't own iCarly... but I wish I did._

_I don't know exactly what prompted me to write this fanfiction. I guess I had the urge to write something without a lot of actions and alot of melancholy feeling, or something. Anyway, I hope you like it, can't say I'm a fan of it myself._

_**Summary: **Freddie is engaged to Carly but he can't stop himself from always coming back to Sam. He knows what they're doing wrong but he hates pretending what he does and feel isn't real. Freddie's reflection on his and Sam's relationship. Takes place eight years after the iCarly gang finishes high school. _

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><p>iHate Pretending<p>

An iCarly Fanfiction

It's ten o'clock at night when Freddie Benson visits Samantha Puckett. He's extremely tired, he's ran several blocks to her apartment. He barely realizes that he's been running since he exited his job until he's staring at her door. He's flabbergasted, that he's even here, more so when he knocks on her door. When he hears a groan on the so his heart beat accelerates; at the same time a wave of relief crashes down on him. She's got him so flustered and she doesn't even know it.

When she opens the door she's got a hand on her hip, her eyes are squinting and she doesn't seem so happy. It's weird that he's glad to see her with that scowl on her face, that scowl makes him choke out a laugh. She's looks at him strangely and runs a hand through her disheveled blonde hair and he doesn't remember a day that he ever thought someone was so beautiful; even if Sam was only dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, both articles of clothing splattered with food.

"What are you doing here, Benson? I have to finish up this recipe for work or the menu will never be finished." She's so crude, and he has to pretend like he hates it. Before she has a chance to insult him, he pushes into her apartment and slams the door behind him. Really, it's not a Freddie like action at all but for now, he doesn't care in the least. He looks at her so seriously, it makes her frown. He really doesn't want that, he just wants to get his point across. He's doing a horrible job.

He tries a new approach, cups he face in his hands and presses his lips against hers. He's terrified when she doesn't kiss him back; so terrified that he wraps his arms tightly around her just because he doesn't want her to leave. He nearly gives up before he feels her hand lightly on his neck. He pulls away from her and a shaky breath passes his lips. He looks at her and the guilt hits him much harder than any taco truck from his past. She's really frowning now and he wishes he wasn't the cause of it.

"You're engaged," she whispers, "to Carly." She informs him as if he's forgotten. The truth is that he has because the blond has dominated his thoughts for so long. He hates having to pretend as if he loves Carly. Well, he does love Carly, but that type of love won't make for a good marriage and he knows it. He hates having to pretend like he doesn't.

"I know," Freddie breathes, "I know." He leans his forehead on hers and he stares directly into her eyes and he knows what he's doing is wrong. He knows how much this is hurting her; he knows that this doesn't just hurt him; he knows what he's put her through. In a way, he hates how Sam keeps letting him do this to her because if she was with another guy in a situation just like this, he wouldn't hesitate in telling her to break up with him. She's better than that. He's too scared to tell her that because then that would mean she'll leave him. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, Fredlumps." The teasing hasn't subsided over the years and he doesn't mind because that's what makes her so interesting. Every day with Carly seems to blur together now, none of them are special because it's always the same thing. She's nice and a wonderful friend, but what else? Every day with Sam is memorable, though, because you never expect what she does or says. It's horrible that sometimes he wishes that it was just a cheap thrill that he got from cheating with Sam. It's not though because days with Sam have always been fun and memorable even when they were back in middle school. He hates pretending that she's not the light of his life.

His hands find the hem of her shirt and pull it off. She returns the favor as she begins to unbutton his shirt. Within seconds they're stumbling into her bedroom and he's still clutching to her because if suddenly one day she decides that this is too painful, he doesn't know what he'll do. She lands on the bed and suddenly there's a silence but it's not uncomfortable. She smiles noting that Freddie's holding himself up over her.

"You actually look like a man at this angle, Benson," she comments breaking the silence. Even though it was more of an insult than a compliment, he finds himself blushing and the urge to make love to her heightens. He smiles to himself, if he said "make love" in front of her she would have freaked and he'd be going home with something bruised. She prefers cruder terms, like "screw" or "fuck". He'd like to call it "making love", but he's never called it that.

Sam doesn't know it, but he's never had sex with Carly because of course Carly wants to wait until their married. Freddie's glad. Carly is beautiful but the idea of getting intimate with anyone other than Sam makes him feel sick. In the back of his mind, he dislikes Carly for going out with him after he turned down her best friend all those years ago. In the back of his mind, he hates himself for asking Carly out instead of Sam. He hates pretending he loves someone he doesn't.

His hands fumble and clumsily unbutton her jeans. He leans down and kisses her again. They're so caught up in each other that every time they touch each other everything around them seems to be nonexistent. Guilt overwhelms him as they begin. Suddenly, instead of thinking about how beautiful she is or about how intoxicating her moans are, he's thinking about how many times Sam has cried when he's left her to go back to Carly. He's thinking about how while he's spooning with Carly that Sam is sleeping alone in her large bed. It really hits him then.

Their moans overlap when they climax. He collapses next to her and moves her hair out of her face. He doesn't want to leave, he never does. She turns her back to him and faces the wall. She doesn't want her melancholy demeanor to be noticed. He always notices though. Without thinking he raises the blanket and pulls it over both of them and wraps his arms tightly around her waist. He's not leaving her tonight because what he hates the most is pretending that he doesn't love her.

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><p><em>I'd like to apologize because throughout this fanfiction it seems like I made Carly "bad" even though she's the victim of this... Oh, and the thing in the beginning about Sam finishing a recipe, this obviously takes place in the future and I can just imagine Sam owning a resturant. She loves food and I don't think she would work well with a boss, so yeah. I can really picture her being a chef. This didn't come out exactly as I hoped but I'd like to here your opinions on it. R&amp;R, please!<em>


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